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letting go and some concerns I have

 Recently I've been practicing letting go which is basically the practice of sitting with emotions and letting them pass. Typically when this starts it's difficult because you have a lot of suppressed emotions over the years which sit inside of you. So the last few weeks when I wake up and before bed I sit and feel my body and any uncomfortable sensations that arise. During the day when I notice I'm having a lot of negative thoughts, instead of reading into them too much I feel my body and which emotion is making those thoughts arise.  It's a very interesting practice that I feel has propelled my life in the right direction like no other practice has. I feel like I have more energy around people and with life things. I'm optimistic about my experiences and relationships.  Certain doubts come up like, is the version of me who has let go and being more free truly myself or am I just acting positive. Cause I truly want to be friends with everyone and it feels like I sh...
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numb

 I've been struggling with this feeling of numbness recently. As I've stated previously, things in my life really seem to be on the come up with work and overcoming fears. Still I feel an emptiness when I'm winding down for the evening. It's a restlessness that I am starting to really hate. I feel I should be doing something productive in this time like playing guitar or practicing some dance moves, or reading. But I numb myself with porn and other distractions on the internet.  I'm definitely craving some love from a women, I think that would help and I think back on my ex and wonder about what could have been. Then I have to snap myself back and remember that I ended things while we were together. So what I'm craving now isn't really her it's the feeling associated with someone liking you. It's chasing the feeling, and when you chase something it typically runs away from you. 
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I could if I wanted to but I don't

 I've been thinking about this a lot since I've been going out of my comfort zone more. I've reached a point where I don't feel like doing things out of my comfort zone every day. It gets tiring and the thought kind of bores me sometimes. I would sometimes rather just sit in my room and play video games. In my head I'll be angry at myself for not going out or doing a certain activity I had previously deemed scary. Like I'm not working on my goal to be more confident & social. So now I like to tell myself that it's not a fear holding me back from doing it, it's just me not finding it necessary to work on at the moment. It's coming from a place of choice rather than fear.
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feeling and anxiety dreams

I started taking some nicotine pouches recently in an attempt to quench my cigarette habit to have healthier lungs. It's a much different drug in my eyes as the effects are much more mellow and less apparent. Since I started three days ago I've also taken two naps. Both times I had nightmares where I woke up in a state of high anxiety that I could FEEL. This feeling didn't end after the dream and persisted yet I had controlled over it. I felt it but was able to calm myself down and be present with it. This occurred two days in a row only after naps. After the nap and anxiety I actually felt very good.  I think my feelings have been repressed for a long time and actually being able to feel something so heavily made me feel good. On that subject of feeling I've been practicing surrendering and sitting with emotions more frequently. I'm still not entirely sure what that really looks like but for me right now it just means trying to feel it in my body which is typically...
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