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Showing posts from May, 2023

Popular culture

Popular culture seems to idolize a certain way of living. As I listened to “Pop That Pussy” by 2 Live Crew, I couldn’t help but notice the themes: open sex, partying hard, doing drugs, and living without limits. The message is clear—freedom means indulgence. In another one of their songs, “Banned in the USA,” the group pushes back against censorship, arguing that their lyrics are misunderstood and not meant to promote violence or disrespect toward women. They claim to be simply expressing pleasure and freedom in a new era, pushing against the morals of those who don’t understand—likely white, conservative America. Hearing those lyrics made me reflect on the current state of popular culture, especially from my perspective as a middle-class white guy in my early twenties. Today, in much of rap, movies, and TikTok, there’s this ever-present sense that to be “free” is to act on every desire. If you want to fuck, you fuck. If you want to do drugs, you do them. If you want to party and lose ...
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The Critic

 The problem with the little voice in my head is that it's sneaky and if I don't catch it and beat it the fuck up, it plants deep-rooted problems within my psyche. The other day I met a cute girl in the elevator of my apartment building. We talked a bit and I was excited about the prospect of living in the same building together. When I get home I'm a bit giddy but as soon those feelings subside, the critic begins to spread its seeds of doubts. "That interaction didn't go as good as you thought" "What if she had 0 interest in you at all" "The way you talked was weird" "You aren't good enough for her" I've been better about catching myself when these thoughts come up but it's not easy and the emotion they leave is even harder to get rid of. What I like to do is visualize absolutely curb-stomping this entity in the most gruesome way possible. The main thing is just noticing it and not letting it attach itself to me. The ...
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I don't have to listen

 Maybe it's because I thought everyone had a little voice in their head, but I always believed it was normal to trust what was being said. When I started to focus on meditation and staying present it still didn't occur to me what those practices did for me. I felt better because it was time away from the critic. The critic is this little fucker in your head that's sneaky. He will creep in with tiny, minuscule slights to your self-worth without you even realizing it. Luckily, I have finally become conscious of this and have begun work to suppress its negativity.  Now, before I continue I want to emphasize how much control this has had over me. It's the reason I'm afraid of people, it's the reason I judge so harshly, and it's the reason I hate myself. For my practice, I notice it anytime it comes up and stop it by talking to it. I'll say "Come back here fucker" or visualize putting the thing in a chokehold.  So if I'm walking in public and a ...
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