It's going to be okay

Some nights, like tonight I spiral down a sea of thoughts that just don't quite go away. Thoughts of my character, the character of others, decisions, direction, little interactions and everything in between stick with me. There are overarching themes of trust, self-worth, and friendship which I already think about daily.  I think about ways I could have stood up for myself better and become my own bully for not doing it. When I took a step back and told myself it's going to be alright I started to feel better. It gave some perspective and slowed my spiral down. I think of the ways I've improved my life for the better like making the decision to quit a job because it didn't fulfill my needs. Or the decision to change diets, cook more, learn more, reach out more, exercise more, stand up for myself more, and prioritize sleep and health.  These things have made me feel really good the last few months. Just writing those down calms me down and gives my mind some food for th...
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June 11

 Pretty good day, not much happened but I didn't take any drugs at all. I even stopped myself from smoking "just one" cigarette. 

I felt pretty empowered at that moment. Usually, I give in to that sensation but instead, I said no, and it hurt but I forgot about it after a while. 


I got to read more of "Man's Search for Meaning" which is great and is one of the first books I've actually read in a long time. I got a haircut, and I went on a walk. 

Music and food seemed to be my alternate drugs of choice today. I also had a few awkward interactions with some of the guys I had met. It got me thinking about making my feelings clear to people. Do you really tell someone you don't want to be friends? or at least hangout. It's so hard.





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