It's going to be okay

Some nights, like tonight I spiral down a sea of thoughts that just don't quite go away. Thoughts of my character, the character of others, decisions, direction, little interactions and everything in between stick with me. There are overarching themes of trust, self-worth, and friendship which I already think about daily.  I think about ways I could have stood up for myself better and become my own bully for not doing it. When I took a step back and told myself it's going to be alright I started to feel better. It gave some perspective and slowed my spiral down. I think of the ways I've improved my life for the better like making the decision to quit a job because it didn't fulfill my needs. Or the decision to change diets, cook more, learn more, reach out more, exercise more, stand up for myself more, and prioritize sleep and health.  These things have made me feel really good the last few months. Just writing those down calms me down and gives my mind some food for th...
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June 23

 I've been micro-dosing now for about a month. The protocol is 5 days on and 2 days off. After a month you take a month off. 


I will do my best to be sober for the next month. From my experience so far on psychedelics, I can say confidently it has changed my life.


Earlier I wrote about my perspective shift but want to elaborate further for myself in case I ever read through these.


What psychedelics do is help you see past the bullshit. They help you understand that you don't need to be treated badly because you're an intern, student, or young person. The promise of school and entry-level jobs is a promotion or something to put on your resume. Because, once you have those things you can finally start doing what you want to do. 


What if I just try and do what I want to do right now. I'm an adult, and I have the capability and discipline to learn. I used to put labels on things like "I can't do that" referring to a job or a skill. 

Maybe I can't but labeling it without having ever actually committed to trying it is delusional. Honestly, most of my thinking was delusional. About women, careers, future, and past. I made rules for how things should be and it was killing me. 





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