cognitive distortions

I've started to notice negative self talk I have with myself when I'm alone. I tend to leave interactions happy but after spending time alone quickly turn my memory of them into a negative mush. I told my therapist about this and he said it's something called cognitive distortions which can occur when someone has been traumatized.  I notice them after work or even in planning future events. For example, I'd like to host a party with some co-workers and friends. The first thought that comes to mind about said party is that no one will have a good time and I will be judged for it. I really just want to do it to get over this fear and self-doubt. 
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June 27

 Woke up around 1:20 PM today. I haven't had much to do or direction since quitting my job last Friday. I'm continuing my morning routine of stretching and meditation and am still going to the gym. If I were to describe how I'm feeling it would be a mix of boredom, loneliness, and anxiety. The last 5 years of my life have been planned out and executed to perfection. My confidence came from what I had achieved materially yet I still suffered immensely. My lows came from the fear of not achieving what I had set out to achieve. For example, getting a bad grade. 

I still have another year of school left but I don't want to think about that right now. I want to feel what it's like to want nothing. Even now I'm thinking about my next move, the next thing I can attach my self-worth to. 

After waking up I did my routine, went to the gym, then ate, smoked some cigarettes, and played video games. 

I talked to my brother which was great and just now got me thinking that I should mend my family relations during my free time. 


The day feels long when I'm not doing anything but there is rarely a time that I ever dread the next day. 

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