It's going to be okay

Some nights, like tonight I spiral down a sea of thoughts that just don't quite go away. Thoughts of my character, the character of others, decisions, direction, little interactions and everything in between stick with me. There are overarching themes of trust, self-worth, and friendship which I already think about daily.  I think about ways I could have stood up for myself better and become my own bully for not doing it. When I took a step back and told myself it's going to be alright I started to feel better. It gave some perspective and slowed my spiral down. I think of the ways I've improved my life for the better like making the decision to quit a job because it didn't fulfill my needs. Or the decision to change diets, cook more, learn more, reach out more, exercise more, stand up for myself more, and prioritize sleep and health.  These things have made me feel really good the last few months. Just writing those down calms me down and gives my mind some food for th...
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June 28

Today I took some shrooms. Penis Envy's to be precise. I usually stick to the chocolate bars but have been using those for a while and thought I'd experiment with something new. I had bought an eighth and did a little more than half figuring the strain is about 1.5 times as potent. In hindsight, I should have done more since the trip was fairly mellow but I have no regrets. 

The one note I jotted down on my phone was this.


"Never do anything for anyone. Do it for yourself. If you want to impress anyone, impress yourself."


Wow, I'm truly a visionary... 

Although this sounds like every single motivational speech on the planet, in the moment I could truly feel the meaning behind it. If I had to recall what brought these thoughts to mind I'd think about the feelings and words I hold back when around others. These are usually personal feelings or aspirations. I really wish I had just one person to talk to who I didn't feel was judging me. 


Here is a list of some topics I shy away from talking about. I will try and slowly be more about talking about these things with close friends.


My feelings (will talk about feeling happy but never about feeling sad)

My writing

My projects



My mind was pretty scrambled writing all this but I got the general topics out. I was wearing my grey hoodie and Air Force's today. I love that fit.




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