cognitive distortions

I've started to notice negative self talk I have with myself when I'm alone. I tend to leave interactions happy but after spending time alone quickly turn my memory of them into a negative mush. I told my therapist about this and he said it's something called cognitive distortions which can occur when someone has been traumatized.  I notice them after work or even in planning future events. For example, I'd like to host a party with some co-workers and friends. The first thought that comes to mind about said party is that no one will have a good time and I will be judged for it. I really just want to do it to get over this fear and self-doubt. 

June 29

 I'm gonna keep this one short cause I'm tired and it's late. Today was nice, I walked around and was able to talk to a bunch of people who are very important to me. Continuing to maintain and grow those connections is a must for me and is something I've been lacking in my life. 

My last call of the day was with one of my buddies back home. We talked about our psychedelic experiences and how it has changed our view of life. He was telling me that he had a zoomed-out perspective on everyday life and he said "everyone just wakes up and repeats the same day over and over again"  which I thought was interesting. I've definitely had parts of my life be like that and it sucks. Now, I'm more aware of what living is supposed to feel like and I try not to take for granted the people around me and the experiences there are to experience.


Still conflicted about the idea of finding a job and fitting into "society" vs living and seeing what happens. I'll write more about this when I'm not half asleep.

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