fault, anger

 I'm angry at people and myself for a situation that happened. I can acknlowedge my own wrong-doing in the matter and feel lots of guilt and shame about it. I also see flaws in how others acted. This brings a lot of anger to the surface and I feel like I'm not allowed to express it because I may have been "more" in the wrong. -- I've seemed to convince myself that I am this terrible person. Someone that's abusive and deserves to be alone. Any thoughts to the contrary get swallowed up, often by rage and vindictiveness towards others. I think in black and white. I'm either the complete issue or I'm the victim to these people. Otherwise I cannot find a reason to excuse my behavior and forgive myself. 

my role

  I'm writing this for myself so that I remember. You are part of a clog of things that make New York City what it is. That is not an easy task. It's impressive that I got to this stage. Obviously, i'm still an intern and don't know what being a full-on agent is like but i've been given a lot of TRUST and responsibility. In one of the greatest cities on earth. I have a talent, it's innate and it kinda makes all the missing pieces fall into place. 


CEO's understand psychology, they understand people, it's a gift. It sucked because you have to unlearn a lot of things but once you do it all makes sense.


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