cognitive distortions

I've started to notice negative self talk I have with myself when I'm alone. I tend to leave interactions happy but after spending time alone quickly turn my memory of them into a negative mush. I told my therapist about this and he said it's something called cognitive distortions which can occur when someone has been traumatized.  I notice them after work or even in planning future events. For example, I'd like to host a party with some co-workers and friends. The first thought that comes to mind about said party is that no one will have a good time and I will be judged for it. I really just want to do it to get over this fear and self-doubt. 
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July 11

 I have a hard time trusting people. It feels like lots have hidden agendas and little slips or weird-sounding sentences give them away. This could all be in my head but the feelings become even more perpetuated when I start listening to podcasters and online voices. Everyone has a take on the current situation and in the end you have zero clue who to trust. 

All I do know is that there is poverty, homelessness, crime, and unhappiness in the streets of New York. It depresses me to know those things and it feels wrong that I don't live that life. 

It gets me down that we still have so much suffering and it worries me that people don't seem to care. 

I just want to feel like I have a certain understanding of how things work but in reality, I don't. Most people who are happy seem either oblivious to those things or have a mindset that is fixed and allows them to see the world in a certain way. For example, when they see people living in poverty they might think to themselves or express out loud, that that person isn't trying. As if they ever had to grow up in an environment like that. 

It just disgusts me that some people think like that but that type of thinking helps them rationalize their world. 

I've thought about flipping the thinking in a way and just saying that, these people were dealt a bad hand and although mine wasn't great either, I have to be thankful for the life I live. 


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