It's going to be okay

Some nights, like tonight I spiral down a sea of thoughts that just don't quite go away. Thoughts of my character, the character of others, decisions, direction, little interactions and everything in between stick with me. There are overarching themes of trust, self-worth, and friendship which I already think about daily.  I think about ways I could have stood up for myself better and become my own bully for not doing it. When I took a step back and told myself it's going to be alright I started to feel better. It gave some perspective and slowed my spiral down. I think of the ways I've improved my life for the better like making the decision to quit a job because it didn't fulfill my needs. Or the decision to change diets, cook more, learn more, reach out more, exercise more, stand up for myself more, and prioritize sleep and health.  These things have made me feel really good the last few months. Just writing those down calms me down and gives my mind some food for th...

July 11

 I have a hard time trusting people. It feels like lots have hidden agendas and little slips or weird-sounding sentences give them away. This could all be in my head but the feelings become even more perpetuated when I start listening to podcasters and online voices. Everyone has a take on the current situation and in the end you have zero clue who to trust. 

All I do know is that there is poverty, homelessness, crime, and unhappiness in the streets of New York. It depresses me to know those things and it feels wrong that I don't live that life. 

It gets me down that we still have so much suffering and it worries me that people don't seem to care. 

I just want to feel like I have a certain understanding of how things work but in reality, I don't. Most people who are happy seem either oblivious to those things or have a mindset that is fixed and allows them to see the world in a certain way. For example, when they see people living in poverty they might think to themselves or express out loud, that that person isn't trying. As if they ever had to grow up in an environment like that. 

It just disgusts me that some people think like that but that type of thinking helps them rationalize their world. 

I've thought about flipping the thinking in a way and just saying that, these people were dealt a bad hand and although mine wasn't great either, I have to be thankful for the life I live. 


Comments