cognitive distortions

I've started to notice negative self talk I have with myself when I'm alone. I tend to leave interactions happy but after spending time alone quickly turn my memory of them into a negative mush. I told my therapist about this and he said it's something called cognitive distortions which can occur when someone has been traumatized.  I notice them after work or even in planning future events. For example, I'd like to host a party with some co-workers and friends. The first thought that comes to mind about said party is that no one will have a good time and I will be judged for it. I really just want to do it to get over this fear and self-doubt. 
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July 12

 Didn't set an alarm this morning and woke up feeling groggy around 9:30 AM. The past few days I have been getting up at 6:30 and following a tight schedule of stretching, gym or kickboxing, and then meditation. 

Usually, I'll follow up with basketball later in the day as well. Staying active has helped but I've been sore and decided a Wednesday is a good day to take a day off. I did but didn't skip the meditation or basketball and spent the rest of the day idle. 

I don't think I'm going to skip the gym again for a while because man do these thoughts suck. Meditation has helped me realize and look at the thoughts through a different looking-glass however, the thoughts are very much present. 

Today has been a lot about getting swept up in a thought and the feelings it brings with it, usually of shame or guilt and then realizing it's just a thought. The problem is this keeps happening constantly. 


I just watched a podcast of a guy explaining how he meditated and he said he did an hour a day for about 60 days before the voices and trauma really seemed to get better. So I'll try and implement that into my schedule seeing that I have more free time.

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