It's going to be okay

Some nights, like tonight I spiral down a sea of thoughts that just don't quite go away. Thoughts of my character, the character of others, decisions, direction, little interactions and everything in between stick with me. There are overarching themes of trust, self-worth, and friendship which I already think about daily.  I think about ways I could have stood up for myself better and become my own bully for not doing it. When I took a step back and told myself it's going to be alright I started to feel better. It gave some perspective and slowed my spiral down. I think of the ways I've improved my life for the better like making the decision to quit a job because it didn't fulfill my needs. Or the decision to change diets, cook more, learn more, reach out more, exercise more, stand up for myself more, and prioritize sleep and health.  These things have made me feel really good the last few months. Just writing those down calms me down and gives my mind some food for th...
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July 12

 Didn't set an alarm this morning and woke up feeling groggy around 9:30 AM. The past few days I have been getting up at 6:30 and following a tight schedule of stretching, gym or kickboxing, and then meditation. 

Usually, I'll follow up with basketball later in the day as well. Staying active has helped but I've been sore and decided a Wednesday is a good day to take a day off. I did but didn't skip the meditation or basketball and spent the rest of the day idle. 

I don't think I'm going to skip the gym again for a while because man do these thoughts suck. Meditation has helped me realize and look at the thoughts through a different looking-glass however, the thoughts are very much present. 

Today has been a lot about getting swept up in a thought and the feelings it brings with it, usually of shame or guilt and then realizing it's just a thought. The problem is this keeps happening constantly. 


I just watched a podcast of a guy explaining how he meditated and he said he did an hour a day for about 60 days before the voices and trauma really seemed to get better. So I'll try and implement that into my schedule seeing that I have more free time.

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