Popular culture

Popular culture seems to idolize a certain way of living. As I listened to “Pop That Pussy” by 2 Live Crew, I couldn’t help but notice the themes: open sex, partying hard, doing drugs, and living without limits. The message is clear—freedom means indulgence. In another one of their songs, “Banned in the USA,” the group pushes back against censorship, arguing that their lyrics are misunderstood and not meant to promote violence or disrespect toward women. They claim to be simply expressing pleasure and freedom in a new era, pushing against the morals of those who don’t understand—likely white, conservative America. Hearing those lyrics made me reflect on the current state of popular culture, especially from my perspective as a middle-class white guy in my early twenties. Today, in much of rap, movies, and TikTok, there’s this ever-present sense that to be “free” is to act on every desire. If you want to fuck, you fuck. If you want to do drugs, you do them. If you want to party and lose ...
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June 30 - existential dread

 For the past few days, I've been living like a trust fund kid. I'm unemployed and have housing paid for. I've been doing my best to find meaning in doing nothing and honestly have been terrible at it. I do shrooms to get through the day and then feel pretty terrible at night. 

Tonight I went out and actually had a great time with some buddies I met here where I'm staying. Throughout the night though I had this feeling of meaninglessness... I guess that's a word. Anyway, I wasn't getting horny or really feeling anything about the night or who I was spending time with. There was no anxiety but also no real emotion. When we left the club I started talking to the guys I was with about what they think of doing nothing and the meaning of life. The conversation wasn't that productive and I don't think I gained that much from it but I at least voiced my opinion and got to hear some feedback.

When I left and went to bed all the feelings suddenly emerged and I felt a deep sense of existential dread. My life and everything I do doesn't really have a meaning and I couldn't really find a way out of the thinking. Luckily for me, the internet exists and a quick youtube search pretty much answered my question. The one video I watched helped me flip the perspective on the dread. If nothing truly mattered then I'm completely free to experience life how I want to experience it. This means sending risky texts or doing anything that my prior anxiety would have stopped me from doing. 

I feel like I'm free to do whatever I want (except hurting others) and not feel an attachment to the outcome. 

It's freeing and I hope, I can continue to live this way. 

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