Popular culture

Popular culture seems to idolize a certain way of living. As I listened to “Pop That Pussy” by 2 Live Crew, I couldn’t help but notice the themes: open sex, partying hard, doing drugs, and living without limits. The message is clear—freedom means indulgence. In another one of their songs, “Banned in the USA,” the group pushes back against censorship, arguing that their lyrics are misunderstood and not meant to promote violence or disrespect toward women. They claim to be simply expressing pleasure and freedom in a new era, pushing against the morals of those who don’t understand—likely white, conservative America. Hearing those lyrics made me reflect on the current state of popular culture, especially from my perspective as a middle-class white guy in my early twenties. Today, in much of rap, movies, and TikTok, there’s this ever-present sense that to be “free” is to act on every desire. If you want to fuck, you fuck. If you want to do drugs, you do them. If you want to party and lose ...
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July 5

 As optimistic as my last post sounded, I have been in a state of depression. It's no longer existential dread that keeps me up at night but more so the situation I'm in. I'm bored, unmotivated, and self-conscious. 


Yesterday and today I started going to the gym again and applied to a few jobs which has helped. It feels like I'm getting back to my normal self but I still hate the idea that structure and work has to be the solution to my troubles. 

I don't really know the problem, I don't ever know the problem. I've always thought I could figure it out by looking it up and then applying what I learned. Usually, this delusion kept me going and actually brought me some sense of happiness. When I eventually realize that I'm not actually getting better I then repeat the process and find another answer online or in a book. 

For a day or two I was convinced I had ADHD and so I looked up remedies to help. Just now I find someone saying that it's not ADHD but childhood trauma. This, again is something I've done research on. 

The answer to trauma is that there is no answer which is not a great feeling. Another not-great feeling is knowing that you have this thing that makes you different. It makes you think and act differently which makes you doubt YOUR OWN decisions. 


I usually like to end these with something motivating that "I will now live by" but I won't today. Maybe tomorrow.


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