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Showing posts from August, 2023

It's going to be okay

Some nights, like tonight I spiral down a sea of thoughts that just don't quite go away. Thoughts of my character, the character of others, decisions, direction, little interactions and everything in between stick with me. There are overarching themes of trust, self-worth, and friendship which I already think about daily.  I think about ways I could have stood up for myself better and become my own bully for not doing it. When I took a step back and told myself it's going to be alright I started to feel better. It gave some perspective and slowed my spiral down. I think of the ways I've improved my life for the better like making the decision to quit a job because it didn't fulfill my needs. Or the decision to change diets, cook more, learn more, reach out more, exercise more, stand up for myself more, and prioritize sleep and health.  These things have made me feel really good the last few months. Just writing those down calms me down and gives my mind some food for th...

August 1

It's been a while since I've written anything down, but I hope to pick it back up.  For the past 17 days, I've been meditating for one hour every day. Sometimes I'll do another hour or 20 minutes at night. I've only missed one day since starting. What it's opened my eyes to are some inner conflicts I have yet to resolve. For example:  The idea of what it means to be a man Does one try and fit into society or work outside of it? And is believing in god the right thing to do or delusional? All of these come back to a huge issue I have: a lack of trust in people. If you asked me to name someone I trusted completely I wouldn't know who to name. There are people in my life who I respect and have had good moments of connection with but when those moments don't occur frequently I begin to judge and see them as a walking flaw.  Writing this reminds me of another conflict which is, do you build an identity and label things as right and wrong based on my own exper...