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Showing posts from August, 2023

cognitive distortions

I've started to notice negative self talk I have with myself when I'm alone. I tend to leave interactions happy but after spending time alone quickly turn my memory of them into a negative mush. I told my therapist about this and he said it's something called cognitive distortions which can occur when someone has been traumatized.  I notice them after work or even in planning future events. For example, I'd like to host a party with some co-workers and friends. The first thought that comes to mind about said party is that no one will have a good time and I will be judged for it. I really just want to do it to get over this fear and self-doubt. 
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August 1

It's been a while since I've written anything down, but I hope to pick it back up.  For the past 17 days, I've been meditating for one hour every day. Sometimes I'll do another hour or 20 minutes at night. I've only missed one day since starting. What it's opened my eyes to are some inner conflicts I have yet to resolve. For example:  The idea of what it means to be a man Does one try and fit into society or work outside of it? And is believing in god the right thing to do or delusional? All of these come back to a huge issue I have: a lack of trust in people. If you asked me to name someone I trusted completely I wouldn't know who to name. There are people in my life who I respect and have had good moments of connection with but when those moments don't occur frequently I begin to judge and see them as a walking flaw.  Writing this reminds me of another conflict which is, do you build an identity and label things as right and wrong based on my own exper...
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