cognitive distortions

I've started to notice negative self talk I have with myself when I'm alone. I tend to leave interactions happy but after spending time alone quickly turn my memory of them into a negative mush. I told my therapist about this and he said it's something called cognitive distortions which can occur when someone has been traumatized.  I notice them after work or even in planning future events. For example, I'd like to host a party with some co-workers and friends. The first thought that comes to mind about said party is that no one will have a good time and I will be judged for it. I really just want to do it to get over this fear and self-doubt. 
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Oct 12

There are two realities I live in. The first is the one that feels anger, and fear. The fear of the unknown and the anger of feeling like a victim. If I get high, I feel much heavier, I wonder more about others, and feel much more towards them. I can feel the weight of my responsibility to be an adult and take care of myself without feeling the anxiety that usually encompasses that.

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