cognitive distortions

I've started to notice negative self talk I have with myself when I'm alone. I tend to leave interactions happy but after spending time alone quickly turn my memory of them into a negative mush. I told my therapist about this and he said it's something called cognitive distortions which can occur when someone has been traumatized.  I notice them after work or even in planning future events. For example, I'd like to host a party with some co-workers and friends. The first thought that comes to mind about said party is that no one will have a good time and I will be judged for it. I really just want to do it to get over this fear and self-doubt. 

Oct 21

So I have this pillow that I sleep on. It's very flat and uncomfortable and every time I get into bed I struggle to find a good way to position it. While I'm struggling I tell myself that I should get a new pillow. Then I go to bed, wake up, and completely forget that I had that need until I get back in bed. 

I think this is a good analogy for how I treat my own needs. I'll recognize them in the moment, but for the rest of the day, I will drown them out by keeping busy. 



For example, the need for friends, while the school week is in session I feel perfectly content but as soon as the weekend hits I become anxious and depressed. This cycle does not end until I forcefully put effort into addressing it. 

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