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Showing posts from November, 2023

cognitive distortions

I've started to notice negative self talk I have with myself when I'm alone. I tend to leave interactions happy but after spending time alone quickly turn my memory of them into a negative mush. I told my therapist about this and he said it's something called cognitive distortions which can occur when someone has been traumatized.  I notice them after work or even in planning future events. For example, I'd like to host a party with some co-workers and friends. The first thought that comes to mind about said party is that no one will have a good time and I will be judged for it. I really just want to do it to get over this fear and self-doubt. 

Nov 11

 I feel sad and shame. I want to have a group of friends I like but I don't right now and it sucks. When I get back to work and school I'll feel distracted with that and these feelings stay repressed till I get to the weekend again. It feels like I attract the wrong people into my life and I wish I knew how to change that. Earlier this morning I had the realization that I am not my thoughts and I could realize the negative voice that was in my head. That voice has two core beliefs:  - people shouldn't have flaws - people shouldn't make mistakes I notice this pattern most after a night out. I'll wake up and immediately regret what I did and paint this terrible picture of myself. I'll analyze every little thing and end up feeling shameful. When I can actively recognize that I'm doing this I can resort back to a natural state of being rather than becoming overwhelmed with emotion.  Another aspect of this is that certain emotions can trigger it, so it goes two w...