MAYBE MATURING

 I get in the habit of deep thought often brought on by books, the internet, or music. These thoughts begin with me connecting to a certain aspect of what is being said and then doing a complete deep dive into the meaning. I think I'm searching for some kind of truth in my head. I.e., the world is a bad place or believing in religion. Every once in a while I'll hold firm on one of these beliefs but as soon as my actual experience challenges it I go right back to research.  Questions I ask myself: - how hard should I work?  - should I always strive for perfection? - do you give up on old friends?  - is being a "good" person actually deceitful? I find answers to these questions which motivate me in the moment. But it's just something someone wrote and it could or couldn't apply to my life and my situation. The only thing that truly feels like the right answer is to live every day fully. And what I mean by that isn't to party all the time or go on adventures ...

I measure my success in life by how attractive I am to females. I could be working and having a great time but if my co-worker whom I am attracted begins talking about other men she is interested in I immediately become insecure. I start to think, "Why isn't she talking about me or trying to get with me". Then for the next few days, I'll start to act more "manly", and more aggressive because that's what the internet tells me women want. I'll become insecure and try to act my way into getting pussy.  I want the best of both worlds and I want every woman I come across to like me. Morgan Freeman said that the key to success with women is to not pursue them and in a way, I understand what he means. It's not about not showing interest but more about not caring about the result. I can tell a woman she has beautiful eyes and go on with my day. Her reaction is up to her to decide, but I said what I felt in the moment. I didn't try and manipulate her....

I think there's something special in taking responsibility. You are putting a decision into the universe and following up and accepting whatever results from it. I've felt my weakest when I make a decision and regret it. For example, if I go out and get drinks with my friends, instead of taking responsibility for the possible consequences such as not studying that day or spending too much money. I instead feel bad about it during the present moment which is just a double whammy of consequences on top of a bad experience. If instead I can convince myself that the decision I made will have consequences but I still chose to take it on in spite of it I would feel a lot better. This applies to other types of decisions as well. For example, if I tell someone I want to make plans with them. Following up with them about it should be a priority, that is if I actually care for the person. For me, it's also a good way of recognizing if other people are worth my time and commitment. If...

The issue I have with business from being a business major.  The issue I have is the philosophy of business. It feels like negative externalities aren't ever considered. For example, a company might find some value in a neighborhood. They buy up or build in the community which creates financial wealth for them but then end up gentrifying the area. The company will see this as a win, not for the community or people but for their monetary gain. Also, many of these big firms aren't based in said communities so don't end up creating jobs for anyone.  For valuing real estate, we don't look at the issues the community needs fixing, we only see a tiny part of it that can be exploited. I think in general this view is pretty specific to a small number of companies. I also think business is something that if used correctly can help lots of people.  Another issue I have is the idea that the treasury is 100% secure. When we discount money to find a present-day value for our investm...

 Who am I? I so desperately want to answer this question and it feels like if I focus hard enough on it I'll break through and understand. Maybe that's true but for now, I'm still stuck on the question. There are a few things I'm starting to understand about myself. The first is that my mood is very reactive to my environment. I'll give you an example. My day could be going great but then I get an email about my internet bill. For whatever reason my provider decided to raise my bill by $5. This immediately makes me angry, I think an injustice has been done to me because I didn't read the fine print. I'm not only mad at the company but now I'm mad at the whole system. How can something so innately unfair be allowed? Maybe under a different system, this wouldn't be an issue. Maybe money in and of itself is the issue, it creates winners and losers and exploiters and the exploited.  All these thoughts come up because of a $5 increase in my monthly expens...