cognitive distortions

I've started to notice negative self talk I have with myself when I'm alone. I tend to leave interactions happy but after spending time alone quickly turn my memory of them into a negative mush. I told my therapist about this and he said it's something called cognitive distortions which can occur when someone has been traumatized.  I notice them after work or even in planning future events. For example, I'd like to host a party with some co-workers and friends. The first thought that comes to mind about said party is that no one will have a good time and I will be judged for it. I really just want to do it to get over this fear and self-doubt. 
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Jan 5 - 2

This is a little different. I usually write these journal entries/blog posts when I’m high but tonight I’m drunk as fuck. I went out with some homies who I’ve known for so long and although I didn’t think I would, I had a great time. When I got home I felt a little nautious and threw up. I’m feeling better now and got the urge to write something. Being drunk is so much different than smoking for me. I guess I’m both right now but drinking really boosts some type of energy in me. I feel connected to myself and the world around me, I feel grateful for what I have. These feelings aren’t there when I’m sober or high. I doubt my relationships, my family, my friends, my future. I just can’t stop thinking about it. Now I feel great, I want to tell the people I love that I love them and I want this feeling of peace to last. I’m writing this cause I think I know that this won’t last, at least not in the short term. I will go back to my old ways of doubt, fear, and guilt and I guess that’s okay. For now though I’m happy, confident, and connected to myself.

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