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Showing posts from April, 2024

Popular culture

Popular culture seems to idolize a certain way of living. As I listened to “Pop That Pussy” by 2 Live Crew, I couldn’t help but notice the themes: open sex, partying hard, doing drugs, and living without limits. The message is clear—freedom means indulgence. In another one of their songs, “Banned in the USA,” the group pushes back against censorship, arguing that their lyrics are misunderstood and not meant to promote violence or disrespect toward women. They claim to be simply expressing pleasure and freedom in a new era, pushing against the morals of those who don’t understand—likely white, conservative America. Hearing those lyrics made me reflect on the current state of popular culture, especially from my perspective as a middle-class white guy in my early twenties. Today, in much of rap, movies, and TikTok, there’s this ever-present sense that to be “free” is to act on every desire. If you want to fuck, you fuck. If you want to do drugs, you do them. If you want to party and lose ...

April 11

 Patterns: A pattern I noticed today is my lack of self belief when it comes to choosing the people I want in my life. As soon as someone has something bad to say about someone I immediately begin judging my own idea of that person. This is a constant issue that arises and it disconnects me from creating a bond with said individual because I now lack the necessary trust in that person to make it happen. Maybe it's helped me avoid bad relationships but I also think it's stopped me from forming any meaningful ones.  In the future if I feel something of that nature arise I'll talk to the person about it. For example I'll tell them "hey, so and so said this about you and I want to know your thoughts about it". This will most likely lead to a very awkward situation but I get the most out of those sorts of interactions, regardless of the reaction.

April 6

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It's late as fuck right now and I can't sleep. My shift was long and I ended up eating and smoking before bed which never works out well in terms of my sleep quality. I'm anxious to fall asleep so I can get my day started tomorrow but I'm struggling to shut off. Not too upset or in my head which is different than most nights. I noticed myself slipping into an anxious though pattern and was able to highlight it as such and take my attention away from it.  I feel like I'm finally starting to understand how to live a better life and truly it starts with being bold and keeping your feet planted and spine aligned and head high with that decision. The more you do this the more you understand what you truly want.  Here's a building.