cognitive distortions

I've started to notice negative self talk I have with myself when I'm alone. I tend to leave interactions happy but after spending time alone quickly turn my memory of them into a negative mush. I told my therapist about this and he said it's something called cognitive distortions which can occur when someone has been traumatized.  I notice them after work or even in planning future events. For example, I'd like to host a party with some co-workers and friends. The first thought that comes to mind about said party is that no one will have a good time and I will be judged for it. I really just want to do it to get over this fear and self-doubt. 

August 16th

 I took a break from writing my thoughts online but felt the urge to write something because I'm starting to nail down critical info. 

The root of my problem seems to lie with my inability to trust others. I've been betrayed by people I trusted when I was younger and although I can't pinpoint the exact moment, the switch has been flipped for a long time. This has led to internalizing stress and hatred and acting like nothing was wrong. If I tell someone I fear they will hurt me more or leave. I have built a very strong barrier that I have yet to conquer. 

I think a therapist can help with this but Ideally I would love to get over it with some of my friends. 



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