It's going to be okay

Some nights, like tonight I spiral down a sea of thoughts that just don't quite go away. Thoughts of my character, the character of others, decisions, direction, little interactions and everything in between stick with me. There are overarching themes of trust, self-worth, and friendship which I already think about daily.  I think about ways I could have stood up for myself better and become my own bully for not doing it. When I took a step back and told myself it's going to be alright I started to feel better. It gave some perspective and slowed my spiral down. I think of the ways I've improved my life for the better like making the decision to quit a job because it didn't fulfill my needs. Or the decision to change diets, cook more, learn more, reach out more, exercise more, stand up for myself more, and prioritize sleep and health.  These things have made me feel really good the last few months. Just writing those down calms me down and gives my mind some food for th...
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August 16th

 I took a break from writing my thoughts online but felt the urge to write something because I'm starting to nail down critical info. 

The root of my problem seems to lie with my inability to trust others. I've been betrayed by people I trusted when I was younger and although I can't pinpoint the exact moment, the switch has been flipped for a long time. This has led to internalizing stress and hatred and acting like nothing was wrong. If I tell someone I fear they will hurt me more or leave. I have built a very strong barrier that I have yet to conquer. 

I think a therapist can help with this but Ideally I would love to get over it with some of my friends. 



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