cognitive distortions

I've started to notice negative self talk I have with myself when I'm alone. I tend to leave interactions happy but after spending time alone quickly turn my memory of them into a negative mush. I told my therapist about this and he said it's something called cognitive distortions which can occur when someone has been traumatized.  I notice them after work or even in planning future events. For example, I'd like to host a party with some co-workers and friends. The first thought that comes to mind about said party is that no one will have a good time and I will be judged for it. I really just want to do it to get over this fear and self-doubt. 
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August 20th

I decided it's time to start dating again. My mind has been stuck on one girl I went on one date with a month ago. It's time for me to stop with the fairytales and put myself back out there. This means showing interest but also knowing and exploring my options without shame or guilt. Much of that will come in time and with some mental effort. 


For now I need to focus on not creating love stories in my brain the minute I meet a girl. 



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