It's going to be okay

Some nights, like tonight I spiral down a sea of thoughts that just don't quite go away. Thoughts of my character, the character of others, decisions, direction, little interactions and everything in between stick with me. There are overarching themes of trust, self-worth, and friendship which I already think about daily.  I think about ways I could have stood up for myself better and become my own bully for not doing it. When I took a step back and told myself it's going to be alright I started to feel better. It gave some perspective and slowed my spiral down. I think of the ways I've improved my life for the better like making the decision to quit a job because it didn't fulfill my needs. Or the decision to change diets, cook more, learn more, reach out more, exercise more, stand up for myself more, and prioritize sleep and health.  These things have made me feel really good the last few months. Just writing those down calms me down and gives my mind some food for th...
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August 21st

I'm having a hard time falling asleep. I keep thinking about what I said to my friend. I indirectly insulted him without even thinking about it. He reacted by telling me he felt insulted but I blew it off thinking he was just joking around. I replay the event in my head over and over and don't know if I should apologize or not. 

The reason I would apologize is because I like my friend and don't want him to think I think poorly of him. 

The reason I wouldn't apologize is because I don't want to come off as clingy or super nice to the point where he can say whatever he wants and I am always walking on eggshells. Another reason is sometimes I blow things like this way out of proportion and will think someone hates me for something I said but when I see them it's totally fine. Another confirmation of this is him texting me, asking me about a date I went on.

Still, the thought has been on my mind for the last day and half since it happened. I'll probably end up bringing it up. 

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