cognitive distortions

I've started to notice negative self talk I have with myself when I'm alone. I tend to leave interactions happy but after spending time alone quickly turn my memory of them into a negative mush. I told my therapist about this and he said it's something called cognitive distortions which can occur when someone has been traumatized.  I notice them after work or even in planning future events. For example, I'd like to host a party with some co-workers and friends. The first thought that comes to mind about said party is that no one will have a good time and I will be judged for it. I really just want to do it to get over this fear and self-doubt. 
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Active vs. Passive

I recently watched a short video discussing the current trends of young adults in America. That trend being a shift from an active lifestyle to a passive one. Active in this sense does not mean physically active but more so mentally active. We have become accustomed to living in a passive state, waiting for rewards to come to us rather than working to get it ourselves. The true perpetrator of this is unknown, it could be due to covid isolation, access to pornography, dating apps, and the general switch to online activities. Regardless of the cause it's important to find ways to identify this behavior and also start being active. 

An example from my own life comes from my job application experience. Through the majority of my application process I've been in a passive state. Meaning, I'm applying to jobs online and working on my resume. This isn't a bad thing and I really like where my resume is now because of my work. However, applying to jobs online has resulted in barely any traction and left me in limbo. I had the idea to start printing my resume and applying in person. This is much different than applying online in my opinion. In person being active and online being passive. 

In an active state you feel butterflies, you can't predict what's going to happen and so you stop thinking and live presently. It should feel uncomfortable, but it's always worth it cause you either get what you want or you learn a lesson. Another difference is it allows you to make your own luck. A company online might not have any openings and there isn't much you can do. In person you can talk to the receptionist or perhaps get lucky and have a quick conversation with a manager to see whats available now or will be in the future. 

I'm using the job application metaphor but this applies to all areas of life. You can be a passive dater and wait for an app to match you or you could take a risk and direct message someone on instagram or even in person. Again, rejection will happen and it will help you grow. You will come to accept it as a natural aspect of life and start realizing how often you reject something or someone for no reason they can control.

I'm not claiming to be active all the time, I'm actually very far from it and have been most my life. Being passive is easy but it really feels like true rewards come from those taking initiative to lead their lives actively without the fear of failure or rejection.


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