cognitive distortions

I've started to notice negative self talk I have with myself when I'm alone. I tend to leave interactions happy but after spending time alone quickly turn my memory of them into a negative mush. I told my therapist about this and he said it's something called cognitive distortions which can occur when someone has been traumatized.  I notice them after work or even in planning future events. For example, I'd like to host a party with some co-workers and friends. The first thought that comes to mind about said party is that no one will have a good time and I will be judged for it. I really just want to do it to get over this fear and self-doubt. 
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Expectations, Assumptions, and Lust

I've recently felt rejuvenated internally. I started to not give a fuck about what other people thought of me. When I used to go out I would be extremely worried about others perception of me which would make me act my way through the night. I thought I had to be someone in order to be liked. For example being high energy or being a good dancer or being a good flirt. It was a tremendous amount of pressure that I somehow managed to let go of in the span of the last week. I've just been trying to be do me and not worry about what others think. I did struggle a little with my attraction to some females but realized it was purely physical and that if it was going to work out it will work out. In the end it didn't but I had a good time even without having sex. 

So that's it really, if I leave my expectations, assumptions, and lust at the door, I tend to have a much better time just getting to know people and seeing where the day takes me.



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