myself

 I've always been enamored with the idea of "being myself" in all situations. When I was younger I really didn't know what this meant. I didn't realize it but I was constantly changing who I was to please others. There were times where I was myself but I was scared to maintain that long-term since I always felt I had to change for the people I was around.  Now that I'm starting to understand the nuances of being myself more. I realize that I am someone with much more needs that I had previously let on. These needs typically arise in situations I care about. For example I'm in the process of potentially getting a job outside of where I live. I was offered the position and I'm excited about it but have had a hard time asking the real questions to the person that hired me because I'm scared that the offer will get rescinded.  This is similar in romantic relations, I often stop myself from asking the real questions I care about and instead keep it surf...
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Expectations, Assumptions, and Lust

I've recently felt rejuvenated internally. I started to not give a fuck about what other people thought of me. When I used to go out I would be extremely worried about others perception of me which would make me act my way through the night. I thought I had to be someone in order to be liked. For example being high energy or being a good dancer or being a good flirt. It was a tremendous amount of pressure that I somehow managed to let go of in the span of the last week. I've just been trying to be do me and not worry about what others think. I did struggle a little with my attraction to some females but realized it was purely physical and that if it was going to work out it will work out. In the end it didn't but I had a good time even without having sex. 

So that's it really, if I leave my expectations, assumptions, and lust at the door, I tend to have a much better time just getting to know people and seeing where the day takes me.



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