moderation

 As I reflect on the last few weeks I notice that I've been less consistent with things. Be that the gym, my physical therapy exercises, or a diet. I've spent more days resting and sleeping in. For the most part give or take a few days I've felt good. Those days did feel extra bad since the guilt and shame I was feeling multiplied by the added thought of not being productive.  Continuing to reflect on the week I wonder if this is how I want to move forward with my life or if I should go back to more discipline. Less gym gives me time and energy to do things and the added rest adds to that. Certain substances give me some clarity and help shift my perspective to something more positive. So I think overall this is a good thing thats happening. I don't want to go overboard and stop doing things that are healthy but I also want to add rest and treats into my days and weeks. The last thought is that I need to get over the shame and guilt I feel if I do indulge. Knowing mysel...
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Expectations, Assumptions, and Lust

I've recently felt rejuvenated internally. I started to not give a fuck about what other people thought of me. When I used to go out I would be extremely worried about others perception of me which would make me act my way through the night. I thought I had to be someone in order to be liked. For example being high energy or being a good dancer or being a good flirt. It was a tremendous amount of pressure that I somehow managed to let go of in the span of the last week. I've just been trying to be do me and not worry about what others think. I did struggle a little with my attraction to some females but realized it was purely physical and that if it was going to work out it will work out. In the end it didn't but I had a good time even without having sex. 

So that's it really, if I leave my expectations, assumptions, and lust at the door, I tend to have a much better time just getting to know people and seeing where the day takes me.



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