cognitive distortions

I've started to notice negative self talk I have with myself when I'm alone. I tend to leave interactions happy but after spending time alone quickly turn my memory of them into a negative mush. I told my therapist about this and he said it's something called cognitive distortions which can occur when someone has been traumatized.  I notice them after work or even in planning future events. For example, I'd like to host a party with some co-workers and friends. The first thought that comes to mind about said party is that no one will have a good time and I will be judged for it. I really just want to do it to get over this fear and self-doubt. 
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Sep 2nd

After a week and a half of moving in my neighbors a few doors down throw a party. They are quite loud but with windows closed it's not an issue. The issue for me is the feeling of missing out. Every time I heard a scream of excitement or loud laugh my jealousy grew. I wanted to be out there, part of the fun. I debated walking into the function but chose against it mostly due to fear of rejection.

As I lay in bed thinking about this I wonder what attracts me to that environment. It's not like I haven't been to a party or kickback, I have and honestly never enjoy them. I feel awkward, out of place, and making conversation feels like a chore. However, anytime I'm not invited or don't go I revert inward and get envious. 

Another reason I didn't go try and introduce myself is cause I didn't want to drink. This summer I've been trying to cut every substance out of my life. I was successful for a few weeks back at the beginning of summer but had "relapsed" for about a month before again freeing myself from their shackles a few weeks ago. I'm honestly feeling great but it's moments like these where I wonder if sobriety is worth it. Am I missing out on life by going against my urges? 


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