It's going to be okay

Some nights, like tonight I spiral down a sea of thoughts that just don't quite go away. Thoughts of my character, the character of others, decisions, direction, little interactions and everything in between stick with me. There are overarching themes of trust, self-worth, and friendship which I already think about daily.  I think about ways I could have stood up for myself better and become my own bully for not doing it. When I took a step back and told myself it's going to be alright I started to feel better. It gave some perspective and slowed my spiral down. I think of the ways I've improved my life for the better like making the decision to quit a job because it didn't fulfill my needs. Or the decision to change diets, cook more, learn more, reach out more, exercise more, stand up for myself more, and prioritize sleep and health.  These things have made me feel really good the last few months. Just writing those down calms me down and gives my mind some food for th...
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The Up and Down Cycle

I've noticed a pattern in my behavior recently. I'll start by doing something productive or positive in my life. This in turn tends to lead me to an opportunity. This period I call my up cycle. I'm positive, motivated, and have an opportunity like an interview or date waiting for me. Then comes the day of reckoning and I have to interview, or go on my date. This is typically the beginning of the eventual down cycle. The interview or date doesn't go well and I get rejected. All the work I've put in has been for nothing and the positivity I had in the prior weeks was a facade. I get demotivated and start picking up bad habits I know aren't good for me.

It's the rejection that derails me and I need to find a way to keep moving on through the pain. I think a lot of times too, I'm the one that should be doing the rejecting. The jobs i've interviewed for and women i've got on dates with have all had some red flags that I notice but don't question. I'm too focused on needing money or needing love than actually deciding if it's a good fit. 

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