cognitive distortions

I've started to notice negative self talk I have with myself when I'm alone. I tend to leave interactions happy but after spending time alone quickly turn my memory of them into a negative mush. I told my therapist about this and he said it's something called cognitive distortions which can occur when someone has been traumatized.  I notice them after work or even in planning future events. For example, I'd like to host a party with some co-workers and friends. The first thought that comes to mind about said party is that no one will have a good time and I will be judged for it. I really just want to do it to get over this fear and self-doubt. 
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self-defense

 I've gone through some major changes recently, most emanating from a mistake I made at work. Another employee called me a "cunt" for making said mistake to which I froze. I didn't confront him that day and felt guilty about it the entire weekend. In my mind however, something had already changed. I knew that I had to confront him and mentally prepared for it by going on a long walk, screaming in my car, and practicing what I was going to tell him. The day rolls around and as soon as I get into work I go up to him and say I need to talk to you. I confront him about what happened and he plays it off like it was a misunderstanding. He comes up to me a few more times that day apologizing but not taking full responsibility. I'm still annoyed but more so pleased with myself than anything else. 


Anyway, that event and the defending of self lit a spark in me. I feel empowered and really ready to start living life how I should have been. With good boundaries and being able to do what I want.

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